Tales from the Quibbler
by Aubrie1234
Summary: (Set during Year 6, Luna POV, may also do requests) Luna, as the Quibbler's only reporter, tells of stories from Hogwarts. Stories from all over, from humor to creepy to romance, she tells everything!


Tales from the _Quibbler_

By: Aubrie1234

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 _ **Mr. X on the lifestyles of the Wicked and Famous:**_

I, Luna Lovegood, have recently interviewed Mr. X, a long-time employee of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and confidante of Albus Dumbledore. He has told me about some of the famous witches and wizards he has met over the years in a small interview:

 **Luna:** So, Mr. X, I've heard you've worked for other families before joining Hogwarts. Could you tell me something about them?

 **Mr. X:** Of course! Mr. X has only worked for one family, though, the Malfoys.

 **Luna:** Really? Are there any secrets they had?

 **Mr. X:** Yes! Mr. Malfoy has many gambling debts, despite his money. Mrs. Malfoy, Mr. X knows, isn't a real blonde! She dyes her hair!

 **Luna:** And their son Draco comes here to Hogwarts, right? Do you have any information on him?

 **Mr. X:** Yes! Having worked there for many years, Mr. X knows Draco wets the bed!

 **Luna:** How long has he done this?

 **Mr. X:** Since Mr. X worked there, 4 years ago.

 **Luna:** Since you work at Hogwarts while Draco is here, does he do it here too?

 **Mr. X:** Yes! Every night he does and still continues!

 **Luna:** Alright, anything else?

 **Mr. X:** Hmm... Mr. X isn't sure, but might remember later!

 **Luna:** Thank you, Mr. X. Always a pleasure.

After my interview I went on to ask Draco Malfoy if this was true. I didn't ask him outright, but he gave no comment.

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Sidenote 1: Albus Dumbledore's voice gets better with Weasley Cough Drops! However, they have dangerous side effects, so don't try them at home!

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Sidenote 2: Severus Snape changes shampoos! From Children's slick and greasy to Adult's dandruff-free, also with slick!

* * *

 _ **Shrieking Shack: Haunted by Howls or Lover's Lane?**_

Luna Lovegood again! Recently people have been going to the Shrieking Shack, ranging from four strange kids and a Great Dane to our very own Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley! Today I have called both over for an interview, hoping to find the reason why the Shrieking Shack has been of upmost importance lately.

 **Luna:** Thank you both for joining me for this interview.

 **Hermione:** Of course, Luna. What do you need?

 **Luna:** There have been reports of the two of you, among others, going to the Shrieking Shack. May I ask why?

 **Ron:** *blushes* Uh, well...

 **Hermione:** We've been investigating the shack ourselves, trying to find out why it shrieks.

 **Luna:** Maybe of love? Some have seen Ron covered in lipstick when you come back, having not been before you left.

 **Hermione:** *blushes* Um...

 **Ron:** We were trying to find out why those other kids and dog were there! The place was filled with shouts of 'Zoinks' and 'Jinkies' and 'Jeepers' and so many other things it was creepy!

 **Hermione:** And we happened to fall into lipstick traps! Honestly, who makes a lipstick trap these days?

 **Luna:** Was Ron the only one to fall in them? You weren't covered in it when you returned.

 **Ron:** I was and it was bloody awful!

 **Hermione:** Well! *becomes angry*

 **Luna:** I see... Well, thank you for your time.

As soon as it ended they ran off, and the mentioned kids and dog weren't around for interview, I devised that they were telling half-truths and that they were truly going there to kiss and make-out. I just wonder who the other people were, though. Were they muggles? We may never know...

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Sidenote 3: Hagrid's Tips to Magical Creatures:

 **Hagrid:** The main thing is to not lose a limb or die. If you die, then who's goin' to take care of yer magical creature? As for losin' limbs, try to only lose a digit and not the whole limb. If you have to, try to lose the non-dominant limb!

 **Luna:** Thank you, Hagrid. This was a great tip! I hope people out there take these tips to heart and take care of their creatures!

 **Hagrid:** I do too! And take cake of yer limbs!

* * *

 _ **Room of Requirement: Study Hall or Party Palace?**_

When teachers enter the Room of Requirement, which has become famous in the past few years, they see a student study hall. However, when they leave, it seems to change into a party palace. I, the wonderful Luna Lovegood, am going to ask both students and teachers what goes on and if they know about it.

 **Luna:** Professor McGonagall, what goes on during the Room of Requirement Study Hall?

 **McGonagall:** Well, it's the usual, Ms. Lovegood. Nothing out of the ordinary, but I swear things change as soon as I leave the room!

 **Luna:** How so?

 **McGonagall:** Loud noises start up as soon as I leave the room, but when I look back in, nothing's going on! Sometimes I wonder if they do it just for fun, to see what I'll do! I swear I can see some of them whistling 'innocently'...

 **Luna:** Thank you for your time, Professor. That will be all for now.

 **McGonagall:** Thank you, Ms. Lovegood. Hopefully you can find out the root of this mess...

After my interview with Professor McGonagall, I want to talk with the person stuck in Study Hall the most: Neville Longbottom. Well, second most. Ron Weasley takes the cake, but he wasn't there at the time.

 **Neville:** Hi, Luna. Do you need something?

 **Luna:** I wanted to ask you what happens in Study Hall when the teachers aren't around.

 **Neville:** Well, as soon as they leave, it transforms into a party place. But when they look in, it changes back to study hall.

 **Luna:** Why do you think that is?

 **Neville:** No one's really sure, but we think it might be because of the teachers. When they look in, they expect to see a study hall, so that's what they see. Otherwise, we have parties until the sun goes down!

 **Luna:** Thank you, Neville. Good luck partying!

 **Neville:** You too! Join us sometime!

After that, I didn't tell McGonagall, as I couldn't betray my friends, but I _did_ take Neville up on his offer. It was very fun and I'm thinking of getting in trouble again to have another go. At least the mystery of the RoR Study Hall has been solved!

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Sidenote 4: Hagrid's new beard-trimmer (a.k.a. The giant weed-eater)! He ordered for a beard-trimmer, but so far, only a weed-eater has arrived. Picture included below.

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 _ **Creepy Rocking Slytherins:**_

Readers, I now give you a disturbing tale from the depths of the dungeons, right in our very own Potions classroom. After a few reports of strange noises from the classroom, your faithful friend and reporter, Ms. Luna Lovegood, went to investigate. I hid in the classroom before Professor Snape came in. At first he began grading papers before stopping and, using his wand, opening the wall behind him. It was at that point I experienced the most disturbing moments of my strange life.

Professor Snape threw off his robes, revealing only boxers and a t-shirt, and played a record on the hidden record-player. _Old-Time Rock 'n' Roll_ played as Snape swayed and danced to the music. Even after he had left, I was frozen for several hours. And even after a dozen cups of fire whiskey, I have not been able to wipe the image burned into my eyes and memory.

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Sidenote 5: There has been a possible bomb threat at Hogwarts, where Gryffindors have reported a mysterious ticking noise. Several have been affected by it and have begun singing. There have even been sightings of Lord Voldemort singing a revised version of _Lollipop_. The investigation is still ongoing, so wait for more details.

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 **Only for fun! I may add more later, but for now, read & review!**


End file.
